


Did my heart love till now?

by acemerrill



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: AU, F/M, Post-apocalyptic AU, Secret Santa, Stargate SG-1 Sam/Jack Secret Santa, sg1secretsanta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 20:00:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17127806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acemerrill/pseuds/acemerrill
Summary: Sort of a post-apocalyptic AU. The Stargate and the SGC don't exist in this universe, but some of our favorites are or were still in the Air Force.





	Did my heart love till now?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xbleeple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xbleeple/gifts).



> This is for the SG-1 secret santa exchange. The prompt was from xbleeple, "Warring families AU? Holiday tinged if you like!" and this is what came out. I know it's not exactly warring families, but I hope you enjoy.
> 
> The title is from "Romeo and Juliet" because of the whole star-crossed thing.

Sometimes Jack O’Neill felt very little gratitude for the man that saved his life. When it had happened, he’d felt nothing but relief that he would make it home to his pregnant wife. That kind of thing carried a lot of weight, especially for Jack O’Neill. A part of his soul was tied up that day, tied up with an unbreakable thread that tethered him forever to the man that brought him home. And for years, he barely noticed because it never even occurred to him to tug against the thread. As went Charles Kawalsky, so went Jack O’Neill. Jack and Sara even named their son after him, both so pleased that Jack was alive and well for the birth that no other names were even considered.

Jack and Charles had always been like brothers, but after the moment when Charles stood over him and fought off an impossible number of enemy soldiers when he could have run to save himself, the two accepted that there were some bonds that defied description or understanding but could not be broken.

And for many years, that bond was nothing but a blessing. It endured things no other relationship could, including the death of his son and his wife leaving. Without Kawalsky, Jack was certain that he would not have survived that blow. But Kawalsky was there, unwavering in his love and support, offering him acceptance and purpose. Jack was reminded how lucky he was to be tied to this man and recommitted himself to being a worthy brother in arms. Charles Kawalsky was a good man, and Jack never hesitated to do whatever his brother asked.

But then the world went to war and their nation disintegrated before their very eyes. The government they’d served and the nation they’d protected were suddenly no more. The country had descended into chaos, with different branches of the military seizing pockets of control, with strongholds defaulting to the largest and most secure military bases. The country was sectioned off into territories surrounding those bases, and with no centralized control to rein anyone in or tell high ranking soldiers to stand down, conflict followed. Each territory was completely subject to the whims of whoever happened to be the commanding officer of their base when the shit hit the fan.

And so it was that Charles Kawalsky, former Colonel of the U.S. Air Force, became the military and political leader of the territory that covered most of what used to be Colorado, Wyoming, Utah, New Mexico, and parts of Kansas. It was one of the larger territories, but also one of the least populated. And Jack knew that the people in their little section of the world were pretty lucky. Charles Kawalsky had little desire to rule anyone, and had General Hammond survived the initial shitstorm, he would have gladly followed the man’s lead. Instead, he was thrust into an impossible situation, and Jack was determined to be the best second in command he could be to alleviate some of the pressure.

But nobody had ever prepared either of them for the type of leadership such a situation would require. And although Kawalsky had no desire for power, he was a stubborn son of a bitch and fiercely protective. Once the mantle of protection for his territory and soldiers landed on his shoulders, there was nothing anyone could do to wrest it from him. So, when General Carter had reached out from his nearby headquarters to tell Kawalsky to stand down and be at ease, that he would handle things, Jack was only slightly surprised when his best friend told his superior to go to hell. And in fairness to Kawalsky, the U.S. Air Force no longer existed and General Carter technically no longer outranked him.

General Carter didn’t agree and their territory had scarcely settled into existence before it fell into civil war. Jack, being both an experienced and capable soldier and Kawalsky’s most trusted friend, was tasked with the bulk of the missions intended to destabilize and infiltrate Carter’s stronghold. Jack had done a lot of questionable things throughout his career, but carrying out attacks on his own soil against men and women he would have died to protect in times past took an immeasurable toll on him and he started to resent the ties that bound him. The pull towards his friend that had once felt gentle and easy now felt like a painful tug. Loyalty now felt like obligation and it made his skin itch.

Itch or not, Jack endeavored to do right by his friend, even if that occasionally meant going slightly off mission to reduce the likelihood of loss of life. Jack had never been a by the book soldier, so even if news of his in the field improvisations made it back to Kawalsky, it was unlikely to shake the man’s faith in his second.

Thankfully, Carter seemed equally inclined to leave the civilians out of their conflict as much as possible and even limit the casualties and damage. Jack didn’t know much about General Jacob Carter except that he had a reputation back when they were both on the same side as a no-nonsense officer who got the job done and had an appropriate level of ambition for a man of his position. He wasn’t, however, known for any particular cleverness or finesse. Jack had gone through the man’s military record quite thoroughly upon finding himself opposing him and was still woefully unprepared for the attacks they had suffered. They were surgical strikes that went out of the way to cripple the base and their command structure while minimizing loss of life. Jack would have been annoyed if he weren’t so impressed, and grateful that he wasn’t losing more soldiers.

Kawalsky was not impressed, though, and he was beyond annoyed. Jack knew better than to try and dissuade Kawalsky from his position, though he did occasionally nudge his friend in a more peaceful direction.

 

* * *

 

 

That desire for peace is how he found himself in a small, isolated room with only four occupants, two from Camp Kawalsky and two from Camp Carter. As was his habit and responsibility, he quickly set about assessing his counterparts and gleaning intel from those assessments. The first thing that struck him was that, while Kawalsky had let the military formalities slide in the wake of governmental collapse, Carter seemed to be clinging to them still. He and his second were both in Class A uniforms with every detail perfectly in order as if they were going to meet the president and not attend a post-apocalyptic peace conference. Jack and Kawalsky were both in BDU pants and t-shirts, as was the habit of most of the soldiers in their command, except when tactics required the rest of their gear. Jack wasn’t sure anyone on base even knew where their Class A’s were. Jack assumed this meant that Carter ran a more rigid command that closely resembled a pre-collapse base, although there was the off chance that the decision had merely been a power play to make Jack and Kawalsky feel outranked or underprepared.

Luckily for him, both he and Kawalsky were never much for ceremony and were not ruffled. The next thing he noticed was that General Carter’s attention to military detail extended to nametags and ribbons on their perfectly maintained uniforms. He glanced at the chest of Carter’s second and couldn’t stop his brows knitting in confusion when he saw the name there. He brought his gaze up to the face attached to the name and quickly schooled his features when he realized he was being watched. He thought he saw a flash of amusement in the blue eyes as she watched him struggle to compose himself.

He quickly turned to Kawalsky and saw him sharing a heated glare with General Carter and his priorities changed. Sizing up the leaders of the opposition would be unhelpful if the two leaders came to blows before they even sat down. He looked back to his counterpart, Lieutenant Colonel Carter, if her uniform was correct and saw that she had noticed the tension as well. Jack, not wanting to undermine his friend and take control of the meeting by introducing himself first, subtly nudged Kawalsky’s arm. He saw Colonel Carter do the same. Kawalsky looked down then back up with a less murderous expression and extended his arm. General Carter did the same.

“Major General Jacob Carter.”

“Charles Kawalsky.”

The General tilted his head at Kawalsky’s intentional exclusion of his own rank, but he said nothing.

“This is my second, Jack O’Neill,” Kawalsky moved on, gesturing to his left.

Jack shook the General’s hand then looked to the woman on the man’s right.

“This is my second, Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter,” the General added. Jack looked at her expectantly, waiting for some explanation of the shared last name. She added nothing, instead shaking Kawalsky’s hand and then reaching for Jack’s.

Jack took her hand and looked at her again. She was the picture of military professionalism, but there was something about her that set him on edge. He noted her beauty and moved past it, too capable and battle tested to let physical appearance distract him in a tactical situation. Something about her eyes and the knowing way she assessed him made him suddenly understand why he’d been so unprepared for his enemy’s strategic approach. This woman was the brains of the operation.

“Jack,” she said curtly when it became clear he wasn’t going to say anything and their handshake dragged beyond an acceptable length.

“Colonel,” he muttered as he recovered and dropped her hand.

He looked back at Kawalsky, deciding it was best to follow the other man’s lead. Kawalsky said nothing but sat down in his chair and everyone else followed suit.

“Well, _Jacob_ ,” Kawalsky dragged out the man’s name in an obvious attempt to upset him, “I suppose it’s about time we met face to face.”

“I suppose it is… _Colonel_.” Jacob Carter clearly intended to maintain his presumed authority over Kawalsky based on their previous command structure.

Jack tensed and looked to Colonel Carter to see how she responded to the blatant disrespect already on display by both sides. She was looking at the General with eyes narrowed in a way that told him two things. One, based on her otherwise impeccable outward professionalism, it was unlikely that she would look at any commanding officer that way in mixed company. General Carter was her father. He didn’t like to jump to conclusions, but he felt fairly confident in his assessment. And two, she was clearly as responsible for nudging her CO into this meeting as he was. He considered her carefully, trying to build an understanding of the person that had him on his heels. If she was as reluctant in this war as he was, that would explain how non-violent all of the attacks on their base had been.

She gave up staring daggers at her father and looked back to Jack. She’d dropped her military façade from before and he suddenly found himself staring into expressive blue eyes. It was like she was pleading with him. He subtly shrugged his shoulders and darted his eyes to his right as if to say “Kawalsky’s in charge here, not much I can do.” She sighed and looked at the table. He somehow felt as though he’d let her down. This woman who he’d just met, and was, for all intents and purposes his enemy. And he felt strangely compelled to please her, to ease her burdens.

“It’s almost Christmas,” Jack blurted.

General Carter glared at him, Colonel Carter looked back up at him with a question in her eyes, and Kawalsky just dropped his head to hide his smirk, all too familiar with his best friend’s non-traditional diplomatic tactics.

Nobody else seemed interested in following his statement, so he continued.

“Look, I don’t know what the rest of you want out of this meeting. I mean, yeah, sure, a lasting peace agreement would be grand. But it’s almost Christmas and everyone on this planet has been through hell, and I think it would be nice if we could agree to take that day off.”

Jack wasn’t sure what the reaction of the other two men in the room was. Colonel Carter was looking at him fondly, and he was fairly confident that the corners of her mouth were quirking a bit towards a smile. He fought a smirk as well. Somehow knowing that he had made her smile gave him a sense of accomplishment.

General Carter broke through their brief, shared moment of reprieve.

“Surely you can’t think I’m that stupid. You’ve been baiting and switching us for weeks. Now you think you can just ask us to drop our guard on a specific day and we’ll comply so you can strike unimpeded?”

“Oh, give me a break. Jack would never go back on an agreement,” Kawalsky was quick to defend his second. Jack marveled at his friend’s loyalty, knowing full well Kawalsky was likely upset at Jack’s suggestion. Kawalsky had already asked him to put together some possible ops for Christmas, hoping to take advantage of the distraction. Jack’s proposal basically disregarded his commander’s wishes. Jack knew he would hear about it later, but Kawalsky was smart enough to present a united front at the moment.

“You’ll excuse me if I’m not eager to take the word of a couple of insubordinate, black ops soldiers,”the General responded in a calm manner that somehow made his assertions even more offensive.

Kawalsky shot to his feet, leaning over the table. “You son of a bitch. You don’t know anything about us,” he hissed. He then straightened, started towards the door, throwing a “we’re done here” over his shoulder.

General Carter watched him go and Jack looked to Colonel Carter, seeing his own regret mirrored back. He pressed his lips together in a sad smile and nodded, trying to convey that he meant it, and Christmas was off limits. Understanding flashed in her eyes and she nodded in return as Jack got to his feet and hurried after his commander.

 

* * *

 

Jack couldn’t stop thinking about Colonel Carter and her intelligent eyes. Now that he wasn’t in a tactical situation, he could freely allow himself to consider how beautiful she was. Still, even though he appreciated her long legs and slender frame and blonde hair, he kept coming back to her eyes. And it was more than just attraction, it was connection. He couldn’t explain how he was able to communicate so easily with a stranger without saying anything. He just knew that he had, and that he hadn’t misunderstood.

Of course, he wasn’t in a hurry to admit to Charles that they could take Christmas off because Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter gave him a look. He might have done so in the past, but circumstances had changed. Jack tried to tell Charles that he had a feeling that General Carter would stay quiet on the holiday. Kawalsky generally had great faith in his second’s intuition, but he was so riled by the meeting that there was no getting through to him.

Jack was determined to give the people on the base some reprieve, so as a compromise, he offered to go on a one-man scouting trip on Christmas Eve to see if he could see signs of any threat. He agreed to leave the base the back way, that is through the hatch in the woods, assuming that General Carter had eyes on the front entrance.

Thus, Jack found himself geared up in a black combat uniform and a full tactical outfit on the evening of Christmas Eve. He promised Kawalsky he would check in when reasonable and requested radio silence before climbing up the ladder to the hidden access for the base. He lifted the hatch as quietly as he could and replaced it slowly before he felt the tingling sensation of being watched. He raised his P-90 as he swung to his six to find a shock of blonde in the encroaching darkness.

“I figured you wouldn’t take the front door,” Colonel Carter said as she walked towards him with her hands raised, free of weapons. “Dad was ready to leave the base on high alert indefinitely, so I offered to take a closer look, make sure Cheyenne Mountain wasn’t gearing up for an all-out attack.”

Jack scrambled to catch up, lowering his weapon as he said the first thing to come to his mind. “Dad?”

“I assumed you’d worked that bit out.”

“I had…I mean, I did. Of course, it’s just that…I guess I’m surprised to hear you call him that in public.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, looking at their empty surroundings meaningfully.

“Right, OK, so we’re not in public, but I am your enemy,” he responded.

“Are you my enemy?”

He looked to the ground, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck.

“How did you know I’d be here?” he asked, avoiding her question.

She gave him a knowing look, but let him change the subject.

“Well, the meeting was a total disaster. I assumed after my dad’s personal attack on you two that Kawalsky wouldn’t be assuming any friendliness. But the whole taking Christmas thing off was your idea in the first place, so I took a chance, figured you’d make the same compromise I did.”

“Right, that makes sense, but how did you know I’d be HERE, specifically?”

Her eyes lit up as she smiled. “Colonel, I’ve had the base schematics for weeks.”

He waved her off. “Call me Jack, Colonel. And if you’ve had the schematics for that long, why haven’t you made a move? Why has General Carter not pressed that advantage.”

“Call me Sam, Jack. And my dad doesn’t know I have the schematics.”

They stared at each other for a long moment.

Jack pulled off his black beanie cap and broke the silence. “Here, put this on. You’re going to get spotted with that hair.”

Sam pulled a black cadet cap out of her back pocket and put it on her head. “Yeah, I know. I took it off when I heard you coming. I kind of wanted you to spot me. And you need your hat, your hair’s more silver than brown.”

He smiled in spite of himself. “OK, so I know how you knew I’d be here, but why are YOU here, can’t resist the pull of a silver fox?” he teased as he pulled his cap back on.

The sun had completely set, but there was just enough moonlight that Jack was fairly sure that he saw a blush creep onto Sam’s pale cheeks and wondered what that meant.

“Well, I, uh…I guess I hoped you and I could…it seemed like maybe we were on the same page.”

He hadn’t meant to fluster her, but it was undeniably cute. “I think we might be,” he replied with a smile.

“I thought, based on the way all of the attacks on our base were so obviously designed to not hurt anyone, that Colonel Kawalsky was as opposed to fighting his own people as I was. And then we had that meeting and Kawalksy was so…”

“Charles is a good man,” Jack interrupted, a little defensively.

“I’m sure he is. He was just so…” she didn’t know how to express herself without insulting Jack’s commander. “I guess when I met you both, I realized it was you.”

“Yeah, I admit I was confused by how precise and effective yet non-lethal all of the attacks on the mountain were. It didn’t fit with what I knew of General Carter.”

“I don’t think dad wants to hurt anyone. He thinks he has a chance to unify this territory and others. Maybe even get some semblance of the country back.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that your dad wanted violence. I was more baffled by how ingenious the attacks were. I don’t know anyone who can pull off that specific level of crippling without actually putting people at risk. Or at least I didn’t know anyone that brilliant, until a couple of days ago.”

She was blushing again, but this time Jack had done it at least a little bit on purpose.

“Here I was thinking the same thing,” Sam retorted.

Jack smiled, “Well now you’ve blown your credibility, because nobody has ever described me as brilliant before. You’re trying to flatter me. What’s your angle, Carter?”

Sam failed to completely stifle her ensuing giggle.

“No giggling Carter! You’re not helping your case.”

Sam schooled her features, “Sorry sir, I mean Jack. It won’t happen again. And I would never lie to flatter you. The tactics I’ve observed from you are nothing short of brilliant, and I know for a fact that several of your CO’s and subordinates have used that word to describe you before.”

He stared at her. “You’ve read my file. I thought most of it was classified or redacted.”

“It was. Or rather, it is. It’s just that, once the US military ceased to exist, I thought that maybe finding my way past some classified firewalls wasn’t such a big deal.”

Jack put his hands in his pockets and looked down. The un-redacted version of his military file wasn’t something he was proud of.

Sam sensed his discomfort. “Did you not read my file?”

He shrugged. “I tried after I met you. I couldn’t find it.”

“Oh, right. I might have deleted my files”

He sighed.

She stepped into his space and put a hand on his arm. “I’m sorry Jack, I didn’t mean to intrude on your privacy. But I did need to know who I was dealing with.”

He shrugged his shoulders. “I understand. I would have done the same thing. I mean, I tried to do the same thing.”

She didn’t buy his attempt at humor. “Jack.” Something about the way she said his name made it impossible not to look at her. “Your record is nothing to be ashamed of. I know you must not think fondly on a lot of your assignments, but you should know that what I learned from reading your file is that you’re one of the most selfless, brave, and loyal men I’ve ever known. As soon as I read it, I knew that I had to get you alone.”

She winced at her own wording, but he smirked.

“So, this wasn’t so much an ambush as it was a tryst,” he teased.

She smacked his arm. “You know what I meant.”

“I do, because I’ve wanted to be with you alone since we met, too.” His tone rode the line between serious and sultry, and Sam couldn’t find which he intended on his face.

She was afraid to respond because their proximity and his words were having an effect on her. And she really didn’t want to embarrass herself by misreading the situation. He saved her the trouble.

“You know, I really should be tying you up and dragging you in for questioning. How could you know that I wouldn’t do that?”

“Honestly, I didn’t. I thought you wouldn’t, but I also really hoped you wouldn’t. I decided it was worth the risk.”

“Why?”

“Because this is madness. You know this is madness, right? I need someone else to see how insane this all is.”

“It is. Kawalsky would have my ass if he knew you were within arm’s reach, at our back door, and I hadn’t apprehended you. And I don’t know what makes that crazier, that my best friend wants me capturing fellow Air Force officers, or the fact that I’m pretty sure he would torture you for information.”

“Yeah, dad would have me court martialed, even if that’s technically meaningless now. I can’t even convince myself that he wouldn’t have me executed for treason.”

“He wouldn’t do that,” Jack hurried to reassure her.

She looked at him doubtfully, but his confidence was encouraging.

“See, this is why I came. I feel less crazy already.”

“Here I was feeling even crazier.”

Sam looked dismayed.

“Up until right now, I’ve never wanted to kiss an enemy combatant, but now I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Sam’s eyes widened and her eyes went to his lips involuntarily.

“Maybe it’s just the holidays, or the thrill of doing something forbidden,” she hedged, trying not to get carried away, even if she knew exactly how he was feeling.

“Kawalsky is my brother. The thought of disappointing him has never once been thrilling.”

Sam shook her head, “I’m sorry, you’re right. I don’t want to hurt my father or any of my friends either. But I do want to spend more time with you. That is kind of crazy. I met you three days ago.”

“I only met you a few days ago, but I’ve been admiring you for months,” he admitted.

“I know what you mean. It was weird, feeling like the person who understood me the best was my enemy.”

Jack leaned forward and pulled her cap off, flipping it and replacing it backwards. She looked at him quizzically. In answer to her unasked question he put his hand on her cheek.

“The world may have gone crazy, but it’s Christmas, and you make the world feel a little right again.”

He hadn’t asked her a question but he looked at her and she nodded, leaning up towards him and meeting him as he leaned in for a kiss.

The kiss was soft and sweet, but there was desperation in the way Jack’s fingers curled against her neck. She felt it too and looped her hands under his arms and over his shoulders, clinging to this moment of clarity. A soft clicking broke their moment as Jack recognized the signal Kawalsky used when they were radio silent. He wanted a report.

Jack stepped back, but kept his right hand on Sam’s elbow as his left reached for his radio. “Headquarters, this is Jack, checking in.”

“Report, Jack,” came Kawalsky’s voice.

“I’ve infiltrated their ranks,” he said with a wink at Sam, “there won’t be any attacks tomorrow.”

“You’re sure?” Kawalsky checked.

“Affirmative, sir. Send the troops home. I’m heading back to base. Requesting radio silence until I return.” He signed off and turned back to Sam.

“Infiltrated their ranks?” She asked, more than a little offended.

“Well it seemed better than, ‘kissed the enemy’s second in command.’”

She blanched a bit and put a hand to her brow. “This is bad, isn’t it? This kind of thing didn’t work out all that well for Romeo and Juliet”

“Sam, look at me. We’re not a couple of teenagers. You and I, we’re going to figure out how to put this right. I don’t know how, but I know we can.”

She couldn’t explain it, but she believed him. His belief in her, in them, made her think anything was possible. She nodded, too overcome with emotion to actually respond.

“Now, Kawalsky thinks I just left Peterson, and even with the section that I was supposed to cover by car, he won’t be expecting me for a while longer. Perhaps that brilliant tactical mind of yours could come up with a way for me to pass the time.”

Sam smiled and leaned her head onto his chest.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first SG-1 fic, as I'm pretty new to the fandom, though I do have some other ideas that I hope to get to.


End file.
